im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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