If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
