why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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