Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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