So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
