Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
