My boss' voice literally gives me gas
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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