Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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