True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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