So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
