Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
