Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
