VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
