We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
