i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
