So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
