Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
