I'm so fucking centered right now
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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