Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
