wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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