dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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