i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
