i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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