Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
