just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
