there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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