this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
