She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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