If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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