We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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