i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize