Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
