Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
