I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
