Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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