just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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