I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
