HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
