I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
