I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
two words...techno handjob
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
be right there i have to get my cape
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
