and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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