There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
