Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
