don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
