Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
