perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
