'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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