so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i will never coherently bang her
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
