I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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