Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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