we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
