I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
