and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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