I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
