cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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