If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
