I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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