im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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