hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
