is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
