I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
