Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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