Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
