I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
