Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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