I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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