i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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